So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Fuck appropriateness.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
