I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
