I can text with my tongue
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
