Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
