Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
