hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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