I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
