I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize