what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
nutella sex= disaster
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
