I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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