and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
