God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize