he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
