I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
