I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
