someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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