Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
