Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
