My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
