Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
