He had one of those small greek statue penises
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
