I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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