I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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