You made me cry and you don't even care
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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