You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
