he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
