I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
