we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
