i permit you to call me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
