I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i love accidental penises.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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