I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize