Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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