They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
