PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
