i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hippo gnu deer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
