If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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