you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize