Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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