I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize