I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
