Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
