I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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