I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
third nipple confirmed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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