i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
