I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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