i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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