You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
