i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
