Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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