At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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