do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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