i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
