I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
