Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
