Im at strip club and am horny
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
