Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
