You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
