Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
