My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
