soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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