you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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