I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
