In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
