What a fucking waste of an outfit
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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