I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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