Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
