no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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