is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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