I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Less talking, more tequila
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
