I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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