he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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