Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
