Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize