I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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