Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
