oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
