Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
