So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
