Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
