STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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