Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
