He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
