Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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