forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
