Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
