i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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