So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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