I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
