woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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