The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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