Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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