as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
