ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize