party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
