I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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