i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
