Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
