i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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