maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
