So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
