Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The uberlube is also flammable
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
