Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
